High standard, low expectation

Một lần trong buổi one on one, một bạn nhân viên tâm sự (than thở) với mình về các vấn đề bạn đang có: như là trưởng phòng A đang không tốt cái này, chị kế toán nên thay đổi cái nọ, bạn đồng nghiệp nên support hơn hay công ty nên có quy trình cho tất cả mọi thứ để rõ ràng, và rồi bạn cũng than về thời tiết, xã hội, quy định pháp luật.. và hầu như là cái gì bạn cũng có ý kiến để thay đổi tốt hơn. Mình nghe xong rồi bảo: good, em có nhiều quan sát thật thú vị, cơ mà anh chỉ mới nghe về việc người khác hay việc khác thay đổi và cải thiện, còn em thì sao, em có thể làm gì từ bản thân mình để vấn đề cải thiện không? Vì nếu là vấn đề thì nó thường bao gồm và không phát sinh từ một phía đúng không?

Đúng là trong công việc và cuộc sống có nhiều khó khăn và vấn đề, tuy nhiên đóng vai là nạn nhân thì luôn không phải là giải pháp tốt. Cuộc sống sẽ trở nên khó khăn hơn rất nhiều nếu chúng ta có quá nhiều mong đợi và phụ thuộc vào người khác hay thế giới bên ngoài thay vì bản thân chúng ta. Ngược lại, cuộc sống sẽ trở nên tốt hơn rất nhiều nếu chúng ta có thể phụ thuộc và mong đợi nhiều thứ hơn từ chính bản thân chúng ta thay vì từ thế giới bên ngoài.

Phụ thuộc và mong đợi từ chính bản thân chúng ta gọi là tiêu chuẩn (standard), mong muốn từ thế giới bên ngoài gọi là expectation. High standard và low expectation sẽ làm cho cuộc sống và mọi việc tốt hơn chứ không phải ngược lại, nhớ nhé.

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

Discover the power of small habits, receive practical strategies, and be inspired to unleash your full potential.

3 Most Important Lessons from the Book:

1. The Power of Tiny Habits:

One of the key lessons from "Atomic Habits" is the idea that small, incremental changes can lead to remarkable results over time. James Clear explains, "Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. The effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous." This highlights the significance of focusing on small daily actions that, when compounded, can lead to significant transformation.

Clear goes on to say, "The most powerful outcomes are delayed. And this is one of the reasons why habits are so important. They can help us delay gratification and sustain effort over time, even when results aren't immediately apparent."

2. The Role of Identity in Habit Formation:

Clear emphasizes the need to focus on identity-based habits rather than solely on outcome-based goals. He states, "The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It's one thing to say I'm the type of person who wants this. It's something very different to say I'm the type of person who is this."

By shifting our focus to becoming the type of person who embodies the desired habits, we create a stronger foundation for lasting change. Clear explains, "The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician."

3. The Four Laws of Behavior Change:

In the book, Clear introduces the "Four Laws of Behavior Change" as a framework for creating and sustaining habits. These laws include making habits obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. By applying these laws, we can set up an environment that supports positive habits and makes it easier to break bad ones.

Clear explains, "The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become." By making our desired habits obvious and attractive, while also reducing friction and making them easy to perform, we increase the chances of successfully adopting and maintaining them. Additionally, making habits satisfying by providing immediate rewards or positive reinforcement increases the likelihood of habit repetition.

3 Practical Applications:

1. Start with Micro-Habits:

Instead of overwhelming yourself with big goals, start with small, manageable habits. For example, if you want to start exercising regularly, begin with a simple habit like doing five minutes of stretching every morning. Over time, you can gradually increase the duration and intensity of your workouts. This approach helps to build momentum and makes it easier to stick to the habit.

Practical Application:

If you want to develop a daily writing habit, start with committing to writing just one sentence every day. The key is to make the habit so small and easy that it becomes impossible to say no. Once you establish the habit, you can gradually increase the amount of writing you do each day.

2. Design Your Environment:

Take a critical look at your environment and make adjustments to support your desired habits. If you want to read more, create a designated reading area with comfortable seating and minimal distractions. If you want to eat healthier, stock your kitchen with nutritious foods and remove tempting snacks. By designing your environment to align with your goals, you are setting yourself up for success.

Practical Application:

To cultivate a habit of mindfulness or meditation, create a tranquil space in your home dedicated to this practice. Fill it with items that promote relaxation, such as cushions, candles, or plants. This environment will serve as a visual reminder and make it easier for you to engage in the habit consistently.

2. Create an Identity Statement:

Craft an identity statement that aligns with the habits you want to develop. For example, if you want to become a more disciplined person, you could say, "I am a disciplined individual who consistently follows through on my commitments." By repeating this identity statement to yourself daily, you reinforce your desired identity and reinforce the habits associated with it.

Practical Application:

If you want to become a more organized person, create an identity statement such as, "I am a highly organized individual who maintains a clutter-free environment." Repeat this statement to yourself every day and visualize yourself embodying this identity. This will help you internalize the habit of organization and make it a part of your identity.

3 Reverse Thinking Notes:

1. Ignoring Habits:

If we ignore the power of habits and fail to make intentional changes, we may find ourselves stuck in unproductive cycles. For instance, if we continuously hit the snooze button and neglect to establish a morning routine, we may struggle with productivity and feel rushed throughout the day. Ignoring the impact of habits can lead to missed opportunities for growth and improvement.

Imagine a person who consistently procrastinates and avoids taking action on their goals. They may convince themselves that their lack of progress is due to external factors, rather than acknowledging the role of their habits. By continuing to ignore the power of habits, they miss out on the opportunity to make small changes that could have a significant impact on their life.

2. Neglecting Identity:

If we neglect the importance of identity in habit formation, we may struggle to make lasting changes. Instead of focusing on becoming the type of person who embodies the desired habits, we may solely rely on setting outcome-based goals. This can lead to a lack of motivation and a higher likelihood of abandoning our efforts.

Consider someone who sets a goal to lose weight but doesn't address their identity as someone who values health and fitness. Without aligning their habits with their identity, they may find it difficult to sustain the necessary actions for long-term weight loss. Neglecting identity can result in a constant battle between willpower and old habits.

3. Disregarding Environment:

If we disregard the impact of our environment on our habits, we may struggle to create an environment that supports positive change. Without intentionally designing our environment to make desired habits obvious, attractive, and easy, we may face unnecessary obstacles and temptations that derail our progress.

Imagine someone who wants to eat healthier but keeps a pantry stocked with unhealthy snacks and conveniently located fast-food restaurants near their workplace. By failing to consider the influence of their environment, they make it much harder to make healthier food choices. Disregarding the environment can make it challenging to break free from old habits and establish new ones.

3 Other Important and Relevant Books:

1. "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" by Charles Duhigg: This classic book explores the science behind habit formation and provides valuable insights into how habits shape our lives. Duhigg delves into the neurological processes that drive habitual behavior and offers practical strategies for changing and leveraging habits.

2. "Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything" by BJ Fogg: In this book, Fogg introduces his method of behavior change called "Tiny Habits." He emphasizes the power of starting small and provides a framework for creating sustainable habits. Fogg's approach aligns well with the principles discussed in "Atomic Habits," making it a valuable companion read.

3. "Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World" by Cal Newport: This book explores the importance of deep, focused work in a world filled with distractions. Newport provides strategies for cultivating a deep work habit and maximizing productivity. By combining the principles of "Atomic Habits" with the ability to create focused work habits, readers can enhance their overall effectiveness.

English Section:

Incremental - gradually increasing or adding small amounts over time.

Transformation - a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.

Foundation - the underlying basis or groundwork for something.

Intrinsic - belonging naturally; essential.

Momentum - the impetus gained by a moving object.

Friction - the resistance encountered when one body moves relative to another.

Reinforcement - the process of strengthening a behavior by providing a reward or consequence.

Align - to bring into coordination or agreement with a particular group or cause.

Obvious - easily perceived or understood.

Temptation - the desire to do or have something that is often regarded as wrong or unwise.

Happy reading.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

In a world consumed by the chaos of past regrets and future anxieties, "The Power of Now" offers a captivating journey towards discovering the profound peace and fulfillment that can be found in embracing the present moment.

3 Most Important Lessons:

Lesson 1: Embrace the Present Moment One of the key teachings of "The Power of Now" is the importance of living in the present moment. Tolle emphasizes that true happiness and fulfillment can only be found when we fully embrace the present, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. He explains, "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life."

Explanation: By focusing on the present moment, we become more aware of our thoughts and emotions. This heightened awareness allows us to break free from negative thought patterns and find inner peace. Tolle encourages us to let go of regrets from the past and worries about the future, as they only serve to distract us from experiencing true joy in the present.

Lesson 2: Detach from the Ego

Tolle explains that the ego, or the identification with our thoughts and emotions, is the root cause of suffering. He suggests that by observing our thoughts without judgment and detaching from our egoic mind, we can transcend suffering and find inner peace. He states, "Transcending the ego is not about suppressing or denying it, but simply seeing it for what it is: a bundle of thoughts, beliefs, and conditioned patterns of behavior."

Explanation: By detaching from the ego, we create space for self-awareness and connect with our true essence. This detachment allows us to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and compassion. Tolle teaches us that by observing our thoughts rather than being consumed by them, we can break free from the cycle of negative thinking and find a deeper sense of peace and contentment.

Lesson 3: Embrace Stillness and Silence

Tolle emphasizes the importance of embracing stillness and silence as a means to connect with our inner being. He explains, "Silence is an even more potent carrier of presence. In the state of inner connectedness, you are much more alert, more awake than in the mind-identified state."

Explanation: In a world filled with constant noise and distractions, cultivating moments of stillness and silence becomes crucial for our well-being. Tolle teaches us that by embracing silence, we can access a profound sense of peace and presence. Through practices such as meditation or simply taking moments of solitude, we can quiet the mind and tap into our inner wisdom.

3 Practical Applications:

Application 1: Practice Mindfulness in Daily Life

Apply the teachings of "The Power of Now" by incorporating mindfulness into your daily life. Take moments throughout the day to pause, breathe, and fully engage with your present experience. Whether it's savoring a cup of tea, going for a mindful walk, or engaging in deep listening during a conversation, being fully present in each moment enhances your overall well-being.

Application 2: Let Go of Past Regrets and Future Worries

Practice releasing attachment to past regrets and future worries. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes or anxiously anticipating the future, focus on the present moment. Recognize that dwelling on the past or worrying about the future only robs you of the joy and peace available in the present.

Application 3: Cultivate Quiet Time for Reflection

Create regular opportunities for silence and stillness in your life. Set aside dedicated time each day for practices such as meditation, journaling, or simply sitting in quiet contemplation. These moments of reflection allow you to connect with your inner being, gain clarity, and cultivate a sense of inner peace.

3 Reverse Thinking Notes:

Note 1: Constantly Living in the Past

If we constantly dwell on the past, we may find ourselves trapped in a cycle of regret, resentment, and missed opportunities. By neglecting the present moment, we may miss out on the richness of life and fail to make positive changes for the future. An anecdote to illustrate this is the story of someone who spends all their time reminiscing about their glory days in high school, failing to embrace the present and pursue new experiences and growth.

Note 2: Constantly Living in the Future

If we constantly worry about the future, we may experience anxiety, stress, and a lack of fulfillment. By fixating on what might happen, we miss out on the beauty and opportunities that exist right now. An anecdote to illustrate this is the story of someone who is always consumed by thoughts of the future, constantly chasing success and never feeling satisfied in the present moment.

Note 3: Resistance to Silence and Stillness

If we resist silence and stillness, we may become disconnected from our inner selves and struggle to find peace and clarity. By constantly seeking external distractions and avoiding moments of solitude, we may miss out on the deeper insights and wisdom that can arise from embracing silence. An anecdote to illustrate this is the story of someone who fills their schedule with constant busyness and noise, finding it difficult to sit in silence and listen to their inner voice.

3 Other Important and Relevant Books:

Book 1: "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz"

The Four Agreements" explores Toltec wisdom and offers four powerful principles for transforming our lives. It delves into the importance of being impeccable with our word, not taking anything personally, not making assumptions, and always doing our best. This book complements "The Power of Now" by providing practical guidance for living in alignment with our true selves and finding greater happiness and fulfillment.

Book 2: "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle

"A New Earth" is another transformative work by Eckhart Tolle. It expands upon the teachings of "The Power of Now" and examines the collective egoic patterns that contribute to human suffering. Tolle provides insights on how to break free from these patterns and awaken to a new level of consciousness. This book offers profound insights for personal growth, spiritual awakening, and a more harmonious world.

Book 3: "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl"

Man's Search for Meaning" is a timeless classic that explores the author's experiences as a Holocaust survivor and his insights into the human search for meaning. Frankl emphasizes the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, even in the face of adversity. This book resonates with the teachings of "The Power of Now" by highlighting the significance of living in alignment with our values and finding deeper meaning in each moment.

English Section:

1. Embrace: To accept or welcome something willingly.

2. Detach: To disconnect or separate oneself from something.

3. Egoic: Relating to the ego or the self-identity.

4. Transcend: To go beyond or rise above a particular state or limitation.

5. Essence: The fundamental nature or core aspect of something.

6. Profound: Deeply meaningful or significant.

7. Compassion: A feeling of deep sympathy and understanding for others' suffering.

8. Detachment: The state of being disengaged or uninvolved emotionally.

9. Solitude: The state of being alone or secluded from others.

10. Clarity: Clearness of thought or understanding.